reminded...

sometimes

I need a little

Reminder

sometimes 

God reminds me 

of the beauty of His creation

and how it is

a refection of His beautiful nature

sometimes

I need reminding

of 

God's patience

God's purity

God's holiness...

and then

I need reminding

that He calls me to do

to be 

like Him in these things

as best as I am able

empowered by His Holy Spirit

and I remember

how HE has called me

HIS own

HIS child

forgiven

redeemed

adopted

restored...

HIS

There are times

like now

I need reminding

(thank you Lord for reminding me)

that there IS fruit upon my branches

and though it isn't Harvest time

and the vine I am upon isn't heavy laden YET

loaded with deep rich colored fruit

I am holding upon those branches

fruit

not fully matured

not plump with aged experience

but 

tender fruit

on tender branches

and I need to be VERY thoughtful

in tending TO those branches

and to the fruit..

Intentional

that is how I need to LOVE my husband

LOVE my children

LOVE my neighbor

INTENTIONAL

is how I need to LOVE

the Lord my God

with ALL my heart

all my SOUL

all my mind

ALL

of 

me

Intentionality implies grace

and care

and thoughtfulness...

Am I filling up on Grace

filling up on HIS care

am I thinking at all?

or just reacting to things in life...

thinking, filling, caring

asking seeking knocking

praying, waiting, enduring

all imply 

an

INTENTIONAL 

purposeful

active 

WALK 

with Jesus

am I WALKING,

or is He carrying me?

and IF He is carrying me,

am I healed enough yet

to begin to walk?

or even crawl?

ever following after

my Lord..

overload principle....

so imagine with me.. a camel.. they carry LARGE loads of stuff...
they carry these loads over deserts...hot and desperate...deserts...
they carry them, and often don't get anything to drink for long periods of time...
they are.. simply AMAZING creatures...

My doctor once explained something to me.. he called it
"The overload principle"...
it goes something like this...
A human can carry many things..
illnesses, sensitivities, allergies.. stress...
carry and carry and carry, on and on and on...
Till one day, they just have ONE thing too many
(the preverbial straw... that breaks the camels back...)
and they collapse...
sometimes the item seems so ridiculous.. so minor..  but really.. it WAS NOT the item.. the feather, the light blanket.. it WAS the final straw.. that is all..

some carry heavy loads.. of many  many things..
some carry one or two HEAVY things.. not at all numerous..
But the best things WE can do, is let go or get rid of these things..
Why.???
because you just don't know what that straw is.. and the less you have on you..
the better you'll be able to handle the next thing..

it's the overload principle.. you don't want to become OVER loaded..
you hear people say perhaps .. not to hold ON to anger...
this is why.. it ends up as baggage on you.. for YOU to carry.. not the person you are angry with..
they say not to bring work home...
this is why.. the sooner you can drop the load.. the better you can handle OTHER things.. things perhaps.. that you can NOT avoid..
like.. the flu.. or cancer.. or lyme disease.. or death in your family.. or job loss.. or.. fill IN the blank friends..

This is also the case with our spiritual life..
We can get to the living waters faster if we LAY our burdens down..
if we Carry only what we MUST carry.. and do our best to LEAVE it at the foot of the cross..
Sometimes, life can be overwhelming.. busy, frustrating..
but the Lord gives you some to carry..
and you sometimes pick up MORE than that..
praying for discernment to decipher the difference is KEY
filling UP on the Word of God is important for those times when you are IN a dry and weary land, and no water can be found..
but rest assured.. HE will lead you once again beside the still waters..
HE will restore you..
lift you up on wings of eagles..
times of refreshment are ahead for His children..

Ask, seek, knock..
His sheep HEAR His voice, and they FOLLOW Him..

drop the stuff that isn't HIS stuff..
let it go..
maybe that means the toilet gets clean TOMORROW...
maybe it means you will do MORE today than you ever knew you could do..
MAYBE.. letting HIM lead
seeking HIM
means that others just WILL NOT understand..
don't fret..
You are not following them..
you follow HIM!
and know..
you are NOT alone
Jesus will never leave you...
you are BLESSED because of HIM and HIS love for you

walking, stumbling, and growing in Grace

can't BREATH

I have asthma... and thanks to Lyme & company, and Hashimoto's I don't have the BEST immune system....
So very often I have trouble doing something we all just DO.. naturally...
I have trouble BREATHING.
from asthma attacks, to sudden allergy asthma attacks, bronchitis, pneumonia, to pleurisy... I have experienced them all.. oxygen masks, neutralizer treatments.. all parts of my life at one point or another...
The THING about not being able to BREATH is..
you learn to take shallow breaths..
to not move suddenly,
to walk slowly, so as to not NEED more oxygen than you can actually obtain..
you learn to talk less... a LOT less..
it's frightening to feel the air in/out HURT, to NOT be able to breath freely
to gasp, and feel dizzy and confused and desperate..
but..
I have done it so often.. I at least KNOW the routine.. it isn't a big SHOCK to me... I KNOW what to expect...
I know that there is a right way to breath, and a wrong way to breath...
I have a device to HELP me work on breathing when I feel icky.. it measures how my breath goes.. I forget what it is called...I get a new one EVERY time I have surgery.. at one point I had 4 in my closet, when i got YET another...so I decided NOT to be a hoarder.. and dumped the old ones...
even if I hate it... I can prepare, even if .. just a little...
What is harder..
real life PHYSICAL breathing problems
or when people don't LET you breath...
have you ever been in a place, where it feels like you breath WRONG around a person or persons.. everything you say, do, the direction you look, the expression on your face, your very presence, or lack there of is somehow in judgement?
you are somehow.. condemned...
it's suffocating, frightening, you start watching HOW you walk,
HOW you talk,
you learn to not make sudden movements...
hmmm sound familiar..

LOVE is like OXYGEN
you need it to move about freely...
you need it to flow in your homes, and hearts to clean out the dust, and ick..
let's face it, there is nothing so lovely as opening up the windows and letting FRESH clean air in...
Nothing like hearing the joy and grace of the birds singing their lovely Praise to Jesus JUST outside the window...
nothing like hearing the hustle and bustle of life JUST outside, to remind you that LIFE will go on..
no matter how awful the day to be reminded, "this IS the day the Lord hath made... let us REJOICE and be glad in it" !
when you are not breathing, and you fall to the floor... it's wonderful to see the EMT's come with OXYGEN to help you breath again, to offer it full blast, direct to where it is needed... it is LIFE, without it we would DIE!
I have a rescue inhaler... I think of the scripture verses I have memorized as my spiritual rescue inhaler.. when I can't read because of migraine.. I can dwell upon those lovely words, upon the promises of my Savior...
but sometimes.. it's NOT enough..
sometimes I need a nebulizer treatment, or to be rushed to hospital... and get PURE oxygen...
Spiritually, I see my local Church as part of this... But included in each of our personal "churches" is the fellowship we get from family, friends, neighbors who ALSO know Jesus..
sometimes THEY can be the EMT's rushing to our side to OFFER direct access to the OXYGEN... LOVE

Love lets us breath
living freely in Christ...
for there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus...
Love covers a multitude of sin
God IS Love
and is patient, kind, never jealous boastful or rude....
it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things...
LOVE never fails..
it is a FRUIT of the Spirit...
along with joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control...

Loving is HARD.. when times are tough,
when we are pressed
persecuted
weary...
but it is possible, IN Christ

who should we love first and most?
the Word says that after Christ, we should have LOVE for the Saints...

If you feel like you JUST can NOT breath
if legalism, standard bearing, and/or condemnation
are pressing in on your OXYGEN supply

PRAY  - get in direct chit chat with GOD of the Universe!  He cares and loves you so very much!
Read the Word - if reading isn't an option, try to get the Bible (complete unabridged 66 books) on CD, and listen to it!
Find a fellowship of believers that will deliver OXYGEN on demand, who are hooked up direct to the source line, Christ JESUS!  Giver of LIFE and origin of LOVE
and don't what ever you do...
don't be an oxygen thief..
I have heard it said so beautifully..
you only spill what you are full of..
when you are being bumped and can not breath.. WHAT is coming out?
love?
grace?
joy?
peace?
patience?
gentleness?
goodness?
kindness?
self control?
we perhaps ALL need to work on this to varying degrees on any given day...
When there are brethren in your life, like this... pray for them, perhaps they are only giving what they have received.. Perhaps.. they are only spilling the ICK on you.. that they are full of...
and extend to them the same grace, same JESUS, same oxygen YOU need...

it's what Jesus said to do
"love one another as I have loved you... and also Love one another"

you ARE loved...
your sister... breathing in Christ
<><

fellowship

Living life like it is a grand adventure.. it is how I choose to live.. even IF sometimes.. it isn't really as GRAND or ADVENTUREOUS as I would love for it to be..
sometimes... like Frodo or Bilbo Baggins.. life is simple and times are quiet because you are in the shireland..
othertimes you are climbing mountains, riding down rivers, fighting terrible evil, going through forests so dark, walking down paths so narrow...
and sometimes.. you aren't going AT IT alone.. nope.. sometimes.. your vessel isn't so SLICK as the one above... sometimes.. you're ridin' awkward...
sometimes.. perhaps your ridin' tandom...

now.. ya might be think to your self.. that these here vessels are not so pretty.. that they aren't so fancy, or sporty as the one above..
But the point of the matter really comes in.. which holds more folk?  can you keep dry, anchor them?  Are you able to bail water our if need be?  have you abililty to tandom the vessels and keep together?
Because sometimes... in life.. goin' at it alone is the way we are to be going...
but sometimes.. fellowship is what God's calling us to ..
see.. IN THE BEGINNING.. He did look at Adam and say.. it's not Good for man to be alone..
and in the NEW Testament.. we are commissioned again to NOT forsake the gathering together of the Saints..
so...
are ya feeling the pride swell in yer fancy boat.. feeling the greatness as you glide solo on the waters...
or the joy of the frollic in the silly ugly boat.. laughing, and knowing your brethren, and learning yourself in all new ways? 
knowing your Lord, in the learning and knowing of HIS people....
gather friends.. find time to gather, and rejoice, to laugh, to cry, to teach, to pry, to learn, to pray.. know one another, be family in Christ together.. it is .. GOOD

hope... it's a choice

24 hours in a day

we all get the same..

how do you choose to use yours?

How do you choose to fill yours?

There are only 7 of those 24 hours in a week...

only about 4 of those weeks in a month..

only 12 of those months in a year

and years...

not as many of those as we would like to believe...

so HOW do you fill them,

and with what?

did you know you can choose to hope...

choose to laugh

choose to love..

they really aren't just "feelings" but rather actions we can take..

sometimes they come O so naturally

othertimes...

they are like moving a mountain

a feat indiscribable

happyness is an emotion

but JOY is a choice...

choose joy

choose hope

choose to LAUGH

choose to trust

choose faith

and not to fear

it WILL make all the difference

may you fill your days with

giggles

hugs

smiles

kind words

good books

gracious looks,

thoughtful words

forgiveness,

joy

love

JESUS CHRIST

wonderful real food

FAMILY

faithful friends

hand holding

puzzle time

chess playing

good movies

grace

mercy

compassion

passion

LOVE

love

love

true,

honest,

real,

love

Just not happy .. anywhere

discontented..
is that me?
have I really become THAT person?
ugh...
let me first start off by sharing.. that nearly 4 years ago.. the chatter of a dream we'd had to buy land and have some chickens became more serious... Yes... our dream of organic hobby farming seemed remotely .. attainable..
and so.. we began to look online.. and look, and dream.. and talk... and dream.. and I .. began to obsess .. JUST a little..
would we have a wrap around front porch?
would the house be a four square
or
victorian?
a farm house
or a colonial?
Would it be new, or really really old?
Would WE be fixing it up, or buying it already finished..
and WHERE would it be?  Dear LORD??
Kentucky?
Tennessee?
Michigan?
Iowa?
New York?
Connecticut?
Texas?
New Mexico?
Indiana?
Illinois?
Wisconsin?
Arizona?
Would we be ranchers? or.. have a organic apple orchard?
oh the dreaming we would do.. some day.. it's a dangerous phrase you know..
because it can mean...
never.
We'd been dreaming since we'd been dating, but somehow, it never felt so touchable,
so tangible, so tastable..
then a little over two years ago we started LOOKING at land.. yea. we drove to OTHER states..we hunted.. we had our pile of pennies and we were ready to buy if we found that dream..
we thought LAND..
perhaps we would build..
get really eco conscience... geothermal and all that jazz..
and started packing up our home up.. or rather I DID.. because my man.. thought it wise..
wise because.. we'd be putting OUR home on the market soon you see..
and we are so cluttered..
with our homeschooling..
our books
my painting
scrapbooking
artwork
photography
me.
so I packed me up.
then we went to france.. oooo la la
then we came home, and the illness overtook
and we packed up some more...
and de cluttered more..
and more of me disappeared..more and more...
more of us..
more of school..
no more art on the walls.. see the house is for sale ..
the realtor does not want it personal..
no more plants
no more clutter
no more projects
no more scrapping
no more painting
no more me
no more them
no place to be ill,
to be self
I feel stressed all the time, at the mess i am in all the time
because it is never clean enough..
and you know what.. it never was.. but I never cared this much
and in the midst the dream has been lost
we aren't moving to our dream..
somehow they have me looking at homes HERE in suburbia..
because now baby has come..
and why it all changed.. i don't know.. worried about bills and illness and how we need to get out of debt before we reach for our dreams..
and it all MAKES a lot of sense...
but what doesn't make sense..
is this feeling
that I don't like ANY of the homes I look at..
any of the listings i see on the net
and I don't care..
and I don't know that I will be happy anywhere..
every house i DO like
is more than I can afford..
and I just WANT to get OUT of debt so I can on with my life..
and this..
is where I leave off saying
I am just not happy...
not anywhere
so I suppose..
I am discontented..
and that is sad..
that is ugly
and I need to pray about that..

when the light is fading

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. "

Ephesians 5:1-2

When the light is fading...

when the sun is setting fast

and autumn has come

there is a chill in the air that comes over you..

that calls to you

"hurry"

"make haste"

"waste not the moment"

like a whipser from God...

so much is this photo

like moments we have

before a loved one leaves us for eternity

there are often

if we listen

... promptings...

NOT always ...

but sometimes..

the whisper... "hurry" is there

the chill that comes with death, can remind us of an autumn evening..

running down our soul

like the wind might find its way down our back..

the whisper

"the light is fading... quick... capture the moment... say what needs saying"

like Cinderella,

we often feel a certain prompting;

one that says in our heart to us that

perhaps the carriage that holds our dear one's soul is about to turn into

a pumpkin...

and time is very much of the essence..

death...

it comes

sometimes

loudly

sometimes softly

sometimes

sudden & unexpected

other times

it is after a long and protracted illness...

but always

since sin entered this world...

it comes.
it never fails to come...
it is so faithful in its coming...
SO friends...

When the Spirit prompts you

to go

to be

to love

to share

to tell

to hold

to sit

to listen

to hug

to call

friend..

heed the prompting...

Be an "imitator of God"...

like the Word says!

 you will never

regret being HIS instrument

Family IS Ministry

(Posted on another of my personal blogs.. I wanted to share with you my dear readers....be blessed)

Therefore, since we have this ministry, as we received mercy, we do not lose heart, but we have renounced the things hidden because of shame, not walking in craftiness or adulterating the word of God, but by the manifestation of truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.

And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing,
in whose case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelieving so that they might not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.
For we do not preach ourselves but Christ Jesus as Lord, and ourselves as your bond-servants for Jesus' sake.
For God, who said, "Light shall shine out of darkness," is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves;
we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing;
persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;

sometimes....

these lives we live are not easy, but hard... some seasons harder than others... Illness, death, griefs, struggles, economic difficulties and what have you... they can come, and more... they can even decide to come all at the same time... making one feel... as if they are going through ...

dare I say it?

HELL.

well a famous Brit had something to say about that...
Winston Churchill...
He said

"If you are going though hell, keep going."

it says a  whole LOT doesn't it...

Like Lot's wife in the Old Testament, don't turn back, don't take it all in.
KEEP GOING

Do NOT set up camp.
KEEP GOING

Do NOT start a weeping whine fest.
KEEP GOING

This is NOT a place to set up residency, not even temporary...
KEEP GOING

just get going, as tired as you are...
go go go

family is your ministry. your home, your heart, your husband, your wife, your children, your neice, your nephew, your sister, your brother, parents, inlaws cousins, your church, yes... even neighbors.... the PEOPLE in your life.. ARE your ministry...And all this... it really isn't about YOU.. though it may seem to be... but rather about something so grand, so big, so glorious, so wonderful, it is difficult to fathom....

MINISTER, in mercy, do NOT loose heart...

"we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves;
we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing;
persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed"

Jesus promised to never leave you..
never forsake you
you are LOVED
Your FAMILY
and YOU are a part of it...



IT is a part of HIS story. A part of HIS Glory... It is something so beautiful, so amazing, so full of grace, so delightfully merciful, so astounding in its adventure, so captivating, so invigorating, so intense... yet so serene... so healing, and so whole... and it matters when NOTHING else does...
as far as the weight of His glory goes... and the bearing of the Weight of this Glory goes...
well that is a whole 'nother post ....
be blessed
and keep PRESS ON!

walking by faith

What does walking by faith look like...?
What does it mean to you whe you read, or hear or even speak the words...
WALK by Faith and NOT by sight?
does it imply there will be seasons in my life where my vision will be... Lost?
where I will have naught to go by BUT my faith?
Does it almost demand that I need to be building my faith at ALL times so that I am prepared
to walk BY it alone
when and if the day should come that...
my vision is blurred
scatty,
broken
confused
or ...
lost
completely
....?
When you get too close to the north pole it freaks out your compass.. and it will spin and throw you in the wrong direction...
did you know that?
unless you are PREPARED.... unless you had studied
you would NOT.. and you would get lost in that tundra
so it is with God...
we must be prepared.. we must HAVE an authentic, real, HONEST walk with Jesus
because the day will come..
when suffering knocks at our door..
when our marriage FEELS broken
or the lab tests come back badly
and the doctor's normal jovial smile has vanished...
or the phone rings at three a.m.
or the flood waters rise...
when we must simply walk,
perhaps even crawl
by that faith
and there will be NOTHING else
not a single other thing
that will get us to tomorrow...

God promises though
His mercies are new in the morning..
so hold on...
don't fear going and forging new paths...
paving new ways you've not yet walked in
getting out of your comfort zone...
shore yourselves up
and be prepared...
to walk that walk of faith..

Jesus MEANT it when He told you in the Word..
HE will NEVER leave YOU
HE will NEVER forsake You..

you .. are... loved

i just don't love my husband anymore.. and I don't want your JESUS

what does one say..
when someone you love,
someone you know,
someone,
anyone in your life
just UP and decides
they don't love...
can't love..
haven't BEEN loving
and don't care to learn HOW to love once again
their husband...
and as far as Jesus is concerned..
they want NO part..
they want your counsel..
or perhaps they don't
but either way
they want YOU to keep your Jesus OUT of it..
Keep your Bible OUT of the conversation...
Keep it "normal"
and JUST be a friend...
what do you say
if you BELIEVE
in Jesus...

I could go on and on about the sanctity of marriage..
on and on about when and how and why and the "only's" of divorce.
but can we BE real and true and kitchen table FIRST....
because you'll get that when you read your theology books..
when you go to your counselor..
when you listen to your sermon..
in fact..
it's really and probably written ON your heart...
divorce SHOULDN'T be an option...

and yet
we live in a culture
in communities
in families
where it just IS commonplace...
and we HAVE to learn how to love people in this place of total pain...
in this place of rejection
and despair
and utter failure...

YES
Jesus can HEAL your marriage
Jesus can RESTORE your marriage
Jesus can RESSURECT your marriage
and your LOVE for one another
YES..
He can..

Maybe...
you JUST don't believe..
I do...
but in this case ... it isn't MY faith that needs to be the size of a mustard seed
it isn't me that needs to move a mountain...
maybe ME
the Christian Gal...
needs to LOVE you
LISTEN TO YOU
hear you...
hug you
encourage
you
and NOT waver from Christ for a minute
but BE like the Jesus I read about in my Bible...
not BE the Judgement
but BE the mercy
be the Grace...
because no matter how awful you think it is...
no matter how terrible the storm
how steep the climb
how uncertain the voyage...
Our God IS great
and He loves you...
and wants to help
and to heal
and to restore
and to make whole again...
and maybe
instead of hearing of wrath to come...
you need to know
you can run into the fathers arms because Jesus made a way for you..
and if my loving silence is what you need to believe that...
to believe the words I have already said..
than I am shushed..
and I am silenced...
and I am grieving
with you...
you ...
you are so loved....
and you ...
you can love again...
and will love again..
and will be loved again...
and are loved... very very loved...
God Is LOVE
I just can not keep Him out of me :)

suffering...

suffering in Christ...
is hard...
suffering at all...
is hard..
people suffer in different ways ..
for differnt reasons...
sometimes it's hard for them to even admit..
that what they live with is suffering at all...

compared to what the people in Haiti are living with..
what they deal with each day seems shallow...
compared to the Cross of Calvary..
their cross seems as light as the cross around their necks..
compared to the person who testified at church...
they feel...hushed...
or perhaps I should stop now..
stop talking only in third person...
and be more transparent with you...

this is often how I feel.
I have suffered with an undiagnosed disease for almost 20 years...
I have had many illnesses that have stemmed from the one...
have been misdiagnosed with many others...
and all the while I have learned to put on a brave face...
and carry on... like I was just like everyone else...

The few times I have shared,
I have been slamed for being prideful...
For expecting TOO much of people..
so I retreated...
I have been told be both friends and by doctors that perhaps
"it's really IN my head"
been asked if
"things were ok at home?"
been told
"i need more faith in God."
and that
"once you come to know Jesus things get better"
which implys.... perhaps... I don't KNOW Jesus after all..

I sometimes don't know which was worse...
the spiritual torment of my supposed Christian friends...
wondering if they were friends at all..
or wondering about their own walk with Christ..
or mine...
or rather the actual torment
or constant joint pain,
muscle pain, & spasms
and constant headaches and migranes that lasted weeks on end...
being paralyzed when I had "endometriosis" after being told I was a
certifyable hypochondriac by a doctor...
or
the years of pancreatic pain after losing my gallbladder when I had NEVER had problems with it before...
the list of bizarre illnesses and ailments quite as long as our medical bills,
and for any of you now struggling with this economy...
you can begin to imagine the frustration we have felt
our intire married life..

How deflating year after year...
my darling husband would receive raise after raise,
only to watch it disappear to more doctors
more of their... "promises"
more supposed cures... to misdiagnoses...
more hocus pocus...
and as the children grew.... so did their illnesses...
and all the while
family and friends faces grew from concerned to puzzled
to apathetic...
and
we just stopped talking..
why say we were in the ER twice that week..
it didn't matter... it wasn't NEW or exciting news..
nothing was discovered...
it was frankly just embarrassing...
they still didn't know what was wrong...
so... why feel more foolish than you already felt...

Well.. it's been nearly our whole marriage,
all our dating years..
for me... about, well like I said 20 years...
my entire adult life...
and..
I finally have my diagnoses..
I have Lyme Disease.

I remember the rash....
I never found the tick,
I understand they can be very very tiny...
I lived that summer from june through august in the
deep Northwoods of Wisconsin...
I lived there in a tiny wooden cabin,
my only heat, and only way to cook my food
was a wood burning stove....
from the 1920's...
I went to the camp doctor..
he didn't know what the rash was..
I went to the clinc's up there...
they didn't know what the rash was.
not all rashes are BULLSEYE rashes,
mine was not...
I was so upset by it,
I drove home after a time
and saw the doctors here ...
no one knew what it was,
they gave me creme's and what not...
but weeks later, I got the tell tale "flu" and still..
no one guessed...
my story...
perhaps I will write more of it another time..
but for now...
I just wanted to share..
that suffering is hard..
hard to do alone..
hard for couples and families to bear alone..

Sometimes those happy families you see at church
ARE happy because they KNOW Jesus in ways
perhaps you can't imagine..
they don't expect JESUS to just fix things
and make everything BE ok
but HE sees them through each day,
His mercies new each morning..

I thinkthat most of the church in America
needs to grow up
shut up
and really pray
and ask the Spirit of God to decend  upon it...
but that ...
that would just be MY $0.02

There are those...
those who walk the walk
drinking deeply of the cup...
sit long at the foot of the throne,
labor hard to be hands and feet
laugh and love and live richly this life with Christ..
and to those...
I lift a special blessing..
and special thanks to God...
may you know... if you are reading this now..
that you are LOVED,
that you are deeply APPRECIATED...
that your labors have been NOTED...
that you are PRAYED for daily...
that your grace and mercy are HIGLY acclaimed
and HE will say unto you... Well done my good and faithful servant........

dearest reader..
which ever side you find yourself..
convicted,
praised
offended
thanked...
know this..
YOU are LOVED!!!!!!!!

Redeeming Yesterday : When yesterday didn't happen quite how you remembered it...

We each have memories...
Memories of yesterday,
last week,
memories of last month, last year,
of walking in the snowy woods,
strolling on the sandy beach at sunset,
slowing down when everyone in the whole wide world
was walking a million miles a minute downtown in the big city...
we all have memories of sitting long and looking far,
or
playing ball and wiping the sweat from our brow,
memories of waking from a nightmare and feeling our heart
beating so fast,
so hard
that we weren't sure what was scarier, the dream or the racing of it...
we all have memories of kisses, and whispers,
of laughters, and moments of quiet flirtations that were building blocks to somethings else...
Memories of fights that went a direction all their own,
words that came out of our mouths that we honestly never wanted or dreamt of saying...
Words we'd rather bury in the ground in the dead of winter,
and never leave a stone in remembrance of...

What happens when yesterday didnt' happen
quite how you remembered it happening?
What happens when your emotions, your feelings blur your vision...
When they infer motive onto someone elses behaviors
and time continues to tick it's tick tocking ways...and
does it's traveling on...
endlessly traveling on...
and you wake up one morning to discover
you were remembering things wrong all along...

How do you rewrite your own history?
We base so much of our behavior on how we perseve our reality...
We must think...
We must go to God and to His Word with our days,
our moments,
our troubles,
and our pains...
We must choose to believe all things,
of others and of ourselves...
if someone makes us feel like a loser, we must take that to God in prayer...
someone makes us feel small, we must not believe that is what they intended,
nor allow ourselves to FEEL small...
but take it to the Lord in prayer...
we must remember
He is the ONLY one who sees ALL things,
knows ALL things,
and can redeem all things..
He has redeemed me,
he can redeem you,
why on earth did I ever not even consider
that He'd not redeem yesterday too?
Showing you how it really was,
healing you
healing others
bringing forgiveness
bringing peace
love and joy
even friendship
because it's who HE is..
Naturally He can redeem Yesterday...
I hereby move over and am letting Him.
What about you?

When He finds you on Facebook.

Has it happened to you?
It's happened to one of your friends hasn't it?
It's the phenomena of our era...
the highschool or college sweetheart
finding you
on ...
Facebook
When she calls you and says..
guess WHO emailed!
guess who friended me...
or when she says...
HE's loved me all along,
or maybe he's not that bold,
maybe...
he's just thinking, remembering,
can't help but wonder what might have been..
maybe his version of what happened
doesn't match hers AT ALL,
and now she's all doubting herself.....
What do you say?
When she's been struggling with NOT loving her husband anymore....
What do you when you are worried about her having an affair...
even if it may just be... an affair of the heart....
What do you do when it happens to you?
When he's found ... you?

The Christian responce as far as I can see it it as follows...
When your X finds you,
be it, X boyfriend,
X lover
X husband...
you need to find one or two prayer warriors and have them praying...
I DO NOT MEAN
call all your wimpy friends who LOVE 90210
and LIVE for drama...
I do NOT mean the local gossips...
I mean godly prayer warriors who will lift you, your husband and this man up in prayer.
Next you need to let your husband know.
third...
you need to reply
and give the man room.....
room to
a) let you know if there is something going on... there may be a medical reason he is contacting you... if he has HIV or some other sexually transmitted disease, or even if he is simply terminal, he may need to share information with you, and he MAY find this very painful and difficult... the God honoring thing to do, is be gracious enough to let him.
b)let him have space to remember what happened... he may not remember the whole story, and his version may not be accurate, and he may need to know, some truths that he can grow from... that he can go on in life, and have healthier relationships from that point on....
c) he may be burdened to appologize.... this too may be embarrassing and painful.. a little space, and i do mean LITTLE is all that is needed for any of this...
d) he may have come to Christ, and want to ask forgiveness of you..........which would be wonderful...

A little space is needed... As long as we aren't talking a stalker, a beater, a maniac of any kind, I think your average X is due a little space, a bit of common respect.  I do mean little.  I don't mean rekindle anything.  It needs to be laid out immediatly that you ARE married.  That you are happy.. If you are not... that is no buisness of an unbelieveing STRANGER, which is exactly what this person HAS BECOME, no matter what you FEEL.... No one's life is perfect every day, the sun does not shine 365 days a year in every part of this beautiful planet... No indeed it does not... There are gloomy seasons in every marriage, use this to remember your passions for your husband... Direct your full focus on suducing HIM, be the woman He fell in love with, and say Au Revoir to the one who was fool enough to let you get away...
and Bon Jour to the one who Won you! 

your thoughts... your experiences are welcome here ... in this... as it is a new and bizarre thing that woman today are experiencing, I am willing to learn from you, to hear from you.... I am learning from personal experiences... and am trying to implement this in grace and truth with one whose soul I once loved.... who discarded me...........

Embracing the one who relished in me, who chased and pursued me, who works every day to feed me, cloth me, support me, whose cared for me through better, and unfortunately many worse, through far too much sickness, and not nearly enough health... The one who never left, never forsook, no matter how bad, how sinful, how loud or ugly we could be at one another... the one who comes home ... to me ... my beloved.....

ladies... share at will

Resolutions.. and all that jazz

To RESOLVE to do something is a really big deal... But people flippantly make New Year's Resolutions each and every year... and dismiss them before February...
they Resolve to get fit...
loose weight
look this way
or that way,
do this
or that...
read such and such a book
or stop smoking...
It's a real PICK a rabbit out of a hat sort of thing isn't it...

I generally NEVER make a New Years Resolution...
I don't like the pressure...
I feel like if I ought to be resolving to do something,
to change something,
or to sieze something in my life...
then I just OUGHT to do it... and not add the pressure
of "new year's" to it...
cuz I'll be sure to fail...

Pressure often causes me to fail...
When I was a little kid...
I was THE fastest kid in the neighborhood
each and every time we raced....
till someone got a stopwatch....
When I was a teen
I joined swimteam, and was GREAT
at practice
but at the meet when they shot that gun ...
it just slowed me down, like someone strapped weights to my legs...
I never froze...
i didn't have like a panic attack,
it just stressed me out I think...
and the stress was like
DEAD WEIGHT....
slowing me down.....

New Years is like that...
I decided a long time ago that a Resolution
is serious...
You resolve to succeed from a union
you resolve to do MAJOR things... or not to...

This year I have made an exception...
It may be my last...
I hope my blog here will keep me accountable...

I resolve to love more deeply those I dwell with first
and all people second...
I resolve to walk more steadfastly in grace and peace and mercy...
Allowing grace of myself as I do others...
I resolve to be slow to anger and abounding in loving kindness..
To SEEK First the KINGDOM
to ASK the Lord for all my needs
to KNOCK for as long as it takes...
To Draw Near to God for HE WILL DRAW NEAR TO ME...
I resolve to LOVE God with all that I am more than I have...
to love my neighbors as myself...
starting with those in my house...
love being patient, even when they are not..
kind even if they are not.
and so on and so forth...
to BE an INSTRUMENT in my Redeemers hand...
To be the Wise woman building her house
and not the fool tearing it down...

I resolve... to walk closer to God on this path
one foot in front of another... and enjoy HIM
and breath in the moments
absorbing the sights as richly as I can before my eyes blink again...
I resolve to hug more
Kiss more deeply
hold hands more often
tickle and laugh heartily
eat of the bounty that God offers to me
JOYFULLY, thankfully, with gratitude...

I resolve...
do you?

Sinned against....

I have been sinned against...
again...
it hurts to be sinned against..
I found this article so encouraging...
Sinned Against Again
I thought you might too...
:)
blessings
grace
and PEACE be granted unto you
this joyous Christmas season

be of sober mind,...

Communism...
Socialism...
is it good?

some say it is... Some Christians are saying it is.. Some Christians are saying it is wonderful... The government should control, payfor and run our healthcare... our schools... our homes.. Why should we as parents have any rights?  they are not our children... are we not raising "good citizens" for the country?

Are we?

Are you?

I am not... I am raising children, to grow up to be honest, whole, healthy people,who hopefully will see enough of Christ in their father and myself, hopefully have seen enough of Him in their own life to really know Him, and walk with Him all their days..  I am raising them in the Lord..  I am training them in many things, I am teaching, admonishing, encouraging, discipling, loving, and even enjoying them as they grow into adults... Adults who shall think... ponder, process thoughts, ideas, world views, all their own...  It is not my job to raise them to be good little soldiers for any cause of man...

There have been times, and are still places in the planet where the church of our Lord Jesus has had to go "underground" as they call it... Where worship of Christ has been obscured, not been so out in the open... In the book 'Tortured for Christ', Pastor Richard Wormbrand writes about such an occasion...

"One of our workers in the Underground Church was a young girl.  The Communist police discovered that she secretly spread Gospels and taught children about Christ.  They decided to arrest her.   But to make the arrest as agonizing and painful as they could, they decided to delay her arrest a few weeks, until the day she was to be married.  On her wedding day, the girl was dressed as a bride -- the most wonderful, joyous day in a girl's life!  Suddenly the door burst open and the secret police rushed in.
When the bride saw the secret police, she held out her arms toward them to be handcuffed.  The roughly put the manacles on her wrists.  Whe looked toward her beloved, then kissed the chains and said, "I thank my heavenly Bridegroom for this jewel He has presented to me on my marriage day.  I thank Him that I am worthy to suffur for Him."  She was dragged off, with weeping Christians and a weeping bridegroom left behind.  They knew what happens to young Christian girls in the hands of Communist guards.  Her bridegroom faithfully waited for her.  After five years she was released-- a destroyed, broken worman, looking thirty years older.  She said it was the least she could do for her Christ.  Such beautiful Christians are in the Underground Church."

They sat in sometimes in prisons listening for 17 hours a day for weeks, months, years to chants...
communism is good!
Communism is good!
Communism is good!
Christianity is stupid!
Christianity is Stupid!
Christianity is stupid!
Give up!
Give up!
Give up!
....

when I turn on the Tv.. I hear similiar chants... over and over through TV shows, movies, and other media... but they pretend communism is dead, they call it other things...but a rose by any other name is still just a rose.......

Christian just means little Christ... are you a Christian?

Jesus answered...
"Verily verily I say unto thee, except that a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. 

That which is born of the flesh, is flesh:and that that is born of the Spirit, is spirit.

Marvel not that I said to thee, Ye must be born again.

The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh,
and whither it goeth: so is every man that is born of the Spirit.

how then do you answer?  like that of Nicodemus, to whom Jesus was speaking?  He wondered HOW such things could be.. Jesus told him that we would speak of what we know.. we can only testify to what we have seen... that he'd not be able to receive our witness... to tell him earthly things.. to give him justifiable reasons to believe perhaps? would not CONVINCE Nicodemus to unto salvation... ultimately...  Jesus says THIS...

For no man ascendeth up to heaven, but that had descended from heaven, that Son of man which is in heaven.

And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must that Son of man be lifted up.

That whosoever believeth in him, should not perish, but have eternal life.

For God so loveth the world, that he hath given his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him, should not perish, but have everlasting life. 

For God sent not his Son into the world, that he should condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved.

He that believeth in him, is not condemned: but he that believeth not, is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the Name of that only begotton Son of God. 

And this is the condemnation, that the ligth came into the world, and men loved darkenss rather than that light, because their deeds were evil.

For every man that evil doeth, hateth the light, neither cometh to light, lest his deeds should be reproved. 

But he that doeth truth, cometh to the light, that his deeds might be made manifest, that the are wrought according to God."

thoughts welcomed.........
may we walk together in the light...
may we reprove, and believe, and rejoice in His love..........

drowning.......

Through the EYES of a Buddhist...

story told by Ron Carlson

Ron asked a converted missionary, "Why did you become a Christian? 

What is the difference between Buddhism and Christianity?"

He replied, "Ron, when I was a Buddhist, it was like I was drowning in a big lake, and I did not know how to swim.

I was going under for the third time,

when Buddha walked up to the edge of the edge of the lake

and began to teach me how to swim.

Buddha said,

"start moving your hands and kicking your legs,

but you have to make it to the shore yourself!"

Then Jesus Christ walked up to the edge of the lake,

but he did not stop there!

He dove into the lake,

swam out,

rescued me,

and brought me to shore.

After he brought me to shore,

then he taught me how to swim,

so I can go back and rescue others!"

My daughter read this quote to me this week. 

It was in a book by Ron Carlson & Ed Decker called Fast Facts on False Teachings,
 a book that I read years ago. 
I gave it to her, because she is reading the book KIM by Rudyard Kipling, and wanted to understand... really UNDERSTAND this people group, this llama, and this boys' culture.. Understand Buddhism..
Not that she might be all rude and sassy, but that she might able to know what they believe..
to be able to better LOVE them.... 
 It is why such books are on my shelf.. So that we might know them a little better, love them a little more, and not be ignorant as we read, and live, and walk about in this world..
That we not fear people, but confidently walk forward in GRACE and TRUTH, and welcome others into our life, freely sharing Jesus with them, as the Spirit leads us to...

I don't need to study Buddhism anymore, or the Koran, or Wicca, the Book of Mormon, or New Age,
 or any of it...

It took years for me to finally just pick up a Bible and read THAT all the way through...

I read so many other so called "holy" books...

I shared this quote with you, because it is so powerful..

so like my own testimony.

till Christ Came

I was drowning,

and now..

though the waters can be rough,

and I weary.

I am a swimmer swimming.

But only because

Jesus saved me

Once upon a time...

"Once upon a time, there was a King who walked astride his world--
here, there, and everywhere.

He became poor in order to be like the people
he loved,
and he lived among the out casts in order to feel their pain."
Tales of the Kingdom...

-d & k mains

moments I don't love my husband anymore

there are these horrible moments.. that I just don't love my husband anymore... I am not as the Word declares... a LOVEing person... I am NOT patient.. and DO not wish to be... I am not KIND, and feel much like Pilot.. ready to wash my hands of THAT concept all together.. Love is never boastful.. but I WANT to boast... I FEEL like boasting, my flesh is burning with desire to boast...
boast of how I'd be FINE with out him... (though in about an hour I will tell you this is utter insanity)
boast of how I'd be perhaps BETTER without him (though he's the best part of this couple...everyone knows that)
boast how every problem in our lives is one that I foresaw, and had we heeded my wisdom COULD have been avoided (though that again in more sober, honest, humble moments would concede, that I have led us down some pretty silly paths...)  Love is also not jealous.. and sometimes I AM jealous.. sometimes.. in wisps of moments that fly by like a dashing storm, I AM jealous.... jealous of a million silly little things, that I have no right to be jealous of.. like car time...  when he could as easily be jealous of the bountiful hours I relish with my blessings... the list is silly... well actually there IS never any list... it's like a burst of wind whipping up the fallen leaves... fallen... like me.. fallen..
Love believes, and I don't want to believe.. sometimes, I just want to wallow.
and ultimately love HOPEs... and when you are grieving... HOPE is hard to come by... HOPE is all there is..

Ultimately... I do not love my husband... It is Christ in me who DOES...  I am a selfish gal.. I can be lovey, and sweet, sexy, and funny, but when push comes to shove.. I have a pretty great guy in mine..(for a fallen man), and he has a pretty ok gal in me (for a sinner)  and yet there it is.. LOVE like the movies will always burst and blow up, and flitter and float away like in those movies... and LOVE like in the Bible is simply impossible.

Unless it is Christ in you doing that loving... Letting you be loved... Jesus loves my husband in a way, that I never can, and yet providentially we are together, my husband and I .  For better (what we all would rather have) or for worse (when we'd like to call a divorce attorney, or grab a lovely glass of vino, and our gal pal), we are a couple... (a couple of misfits, a couple of sinners redeemed, a couple saved by grace, walking, stumbling on this path)  He said we were made one.. I don't understand it all.. but I am glad that even when my SELF does not feel LOVE at or towards my guy, my God in me does.. and I can call upon my Lord, and ask for help...

I can look to the counsel of Galatians when the fruit of the Spirit is spoken of.. and see.. that when this anger, or dislike, or unloving attitude comes up.. it isn't really just that my guy is a butthead (though that may be part of the problem)... The REAL problem is that I, ME, the author of this blog... is not bearing the fruits of the Spirit.. I am not full of the Joy of the Lord..
I am not rejoicing in the day... "this is the day the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it"
I am not seeking first the kingdom of God..
I am not Loving the LORD with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and loving my neighbor...the sin ultimately lies within MY heart...
If God can love me, redeem me, save me, and fill me
than I have everything I need to love my husband...
It is I who needs an attitude adjustment..

Does it get him off the hook for sinning against me... no..
If he is using ugly words and or abusive words is it MY fault... no
if he is sinning........... against this family is it my fault........ no
what if my husband hits (mine does not).. GET help!

Love covers a multitude of sins
does NOT mean
Loving your husband requires that you COVER up his sin, and hide it from the world
no...
that verse refers to letting the little things go.. learning to walk in GRACE..
abuse, or sins that are causing your marriage serious strife
sins like
pornography, gambling, sexual addiction, adultery, incest, drugs, drunkenness, abuse of any kind
(this is a small list)
these all mean that you need help..
you need PRAYER warriors
you do not need to complain or gossip
you need to find people who can pray with you, and HELP you and your husband.
http://www.nanc.org/ or http://www.biblicalcounselingcenter.org/ are two great resources for you to get counseling.. If the abuse is physical, you may need to call 911.  Please do not put yourself in physical danger.. YOU are NOT helping your husband by hiding his sin... It is helping him sin more by hiding it for him... you do not need to be ashamed..

Before the fall of man in the book of Genesis.. God made Eve.. God created Eve to be a suitable helpmate.. Before the fall... it was determined by God.. that man needed help.. that sounds ABOUT right to me...
since the fall.. well all the more..

Grace.. peace... and love.. I get it ALL from Jesus... I have precious little of mine own...He provides in abundance... and offers it freely unto you..

If you have come here wondering in your heart.. "dear Lord... I just don't love my husband any more..."  please know I am praying for you... In the past few weeks many many readers have come to this site based on an old article entitled this, and I have been praying and struggling over this topic.. so it would seem, my Lord and Savior has allowed my husband and I to be stretched yet again in this area... and well this is part II in a series..

If you have questions, comments, thoughts, please share... I will be searching the scriptures on this topic ... Praying for you, and Trusting God as He has us re explore LOVING our spouses... from my vantage point.. loving my husband....