Resolutions.. and all that jazz

To RESOLVE to do something is a really big deal... But people flippantly make New Year's Resolutions each and every year... and dismiss them before February...
they Resolve to get fit...
loose weight
look this way
or that way,
do this
or that...
read such and such a book
or stop smoking...
It's a real PICK a rabbit out of a hat sort of thing isn't it...

I generally NEVER make a New Years Resolution...
I don't like the pressure...
I feel like if I ought to be resolving to do something,
to change something,
or to sieze something in my life...
then I just OUGHT to do it... and not add the pressure
of "new year's" to it...
cuz I'll be sure to fail...

Pressure often causes me to fail...
When I was a little kid...
I was THE fastest kid in the neighborhood
each and every time we raced....
till someone got a stopwatch....
When I was a teen
I joined swimteam, and was GREAT
at practice
but at the meet when they shot that gun ...
it just slowed me down, like someone strapped weights to my legs...
I never froze...
i didn't have like a panic attack,
it just stressed me out I think...
and the stress was like
DEAD WEIGHT....
slowing me down.....

New Years is like that...
I decided a long time ago that a Resolution
is serious...
You resolve to succeed from a union
you resolve to do MAJOR things... or not to...

This year I have made an exception...
It may be my last...
I hope my blog here will keep me accountable...

I resolve to love more deeply those I dwell with first
and all people second...
I resolve to walk more steadfastly in grace and peace and mercy...
Allowing grace of myself as I do others...
I resolve to be slow to anger and abounding in loving kindness..
To SEEK First the KINGDOM
to ASK the Lord for all my needs
to KNOCK for as long as it takes...
To Draw Near to God for HE WILL DRAW NEAR TO ME...
I resolve to LOVE God with all that I am more than I have...
to love my neighbors as myself...
starting with those in my house...
love being patient, even when they are not..
kind even if they are not.
and so on and so forth...
to BE an INSTRUMENT in my Redeemers hand...
To be the Wise woman building her house
and not the fool tearing it down...

I resolve... to walk closer to God on this path
one foot in front of another... and enjoy HIM
and breath in the moments
absorbing the sights as richly as I can before my eyes blink again...
I resolve to hug more
Kiss more deeply
hold hands more often
tickle and laugh heartily
eat of the bounty that God offers to me
JOYFULLY, thankfully, with gratitude...

I resolve...
do you?

Sinned against....

I have been sinned against...
again...
it hurts to be sinned against..
I found this article so encouraging...
Sinned Against Again
I thought you might too...
:)
blessings
grace
and PEACE be granted unto you
this joyous Christmas season

be of sober mind,...

Communism...
Socialism...
is it good?

some say it is... Some Christians are saying it is.. Some Christians are saying it is wonderful... The government should control, payfor and run our healthcare... our schools... our homes.. Why should we as parents have any rights?  they are not our children... are we not raising "good citizens" for the country?

Are we?

Are you?

I am not... I am raising children, to grow up to be honest, whole, healthy people,who hopefully will see enough of Christ in their father and myself, hopefully have seen enough of Him in their own life to really know Him, and walk with Him all their days..  I am raising them in the Lord..  I am training them in many things, I am teaching, admonishing, encouraging, discipling, loving, and even enjoying them as they grow into adults... Adults who shall think... ponder, process thoughts, ideas, world views, all their own...  It is not my job to raise them to be good little soldiers for any cause of man...

There have been times, and are still places in the planet where the church of our Lord Jesus has had to go "underground" as they call it... Where worship of Christ has been obscured, not been so out in the open... In the book 'Tortured for Christ', Pastor Richard Wormbrand writes about such an occasion...

"One of our workers in the Underground Church was a young girl.  The Communist police discovered that she secretly spread Gospels and taught children about Christ.  They decided to arrest her.   But to make the arrest as agonizing and painful as they could, they decided to delay her arrest a few weeks, until the day she was to be married.  On her wedding day, the girl was dressed as a bride -- the most wonderful, joyous day in a girl's life!  Suddenly the door burst open and the secret police rushed in.
When the bride saw the secret police, she held out her arms toward them to be handcuffed.  The roughly put the manacles on her wrists.  Whe looked toward her beloved, then kissed the chains and said, "I thank my heavenly Bridegroom for this jewel He has presented to me on my marriage day.  I thank Him that I am worthy to suffur for Him."  She was dragged off, with weeping Christians and a weeping bridegroom left behind.  They knew what happens to young Christian girls in the hands of Communist guards.  Her bridegroom faithfully waited for her.  After five years she was released-- a destroyed, broken worman, looking thirty years older.  She said it was the least she could do for her Christ.  Such beautiful Christians are in the Underground Church."

They sat in sometimes in prisons listening for 17 hours a day for weeks, months, years to chants...
communism is good!
Communism is good!
Communism is good!
Christianity is stupid!
Christianity is Stupid!
Christianity is stupid!
Give up!
Give up!
Give up!
....

when I turn on the Tv.. I hear similiar chants... over and over through TV shows, movies, and other media... but they pretend communism is dead, they call it other things...but a rose by any other name is still just a rose.......

Christian just means little Christ... are you a Christian?

Jesus answered...
"Verily verily I say unto thee, except that a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. 

That which is born of the flesh, is flesh:and that that is born of the Spirit, is spirit.

Marvel not that I said to thee, Ye must be born again.

The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh,
and whither it goeth: so is every man that is born of the Spirit.

how then do you answer?  like that of Nicodemus, to whom Jesus was speaking?  He wondered HOW such things could be.. Jesus told him that we would speak of what we know.. we can only testify to what we have seen... that he'd not be able to receive our witness... to tell him earthly things.. to give him justifiable reasons to believe perhaps? would not CONVINCE Nicodemus to unto salvation... ultimately...  Jesus says THIS...

For no man ascendeth up to heaven, but that had descended from heaven, that Son of man which is in heaven.

And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must that Son of man be lifted up.

That whosoever believeth in him, should not perish, but have eternal life.

For God so loveth the world, that he hath given his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him, should not perish, but have everlasting life. 

For God sent not his Son into the world, that he should condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved.

He that believeth in him, is not condemned: but he that believeth not, is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the Name of that only begotton Son of God. 

And this is the condemnation, that the ligth came into the world, and men loved darkenss rather than that light, because their deeds were evil.

For every man that evil doeth, hateth the light, neither cometh to light, lest his deeds should be reproved. 

But he that doeth truth, cometh to the light, that his deeds might be made manifest, that the are wrought according to God."

thoughts welcomed.........
may we walk together in the light...
may we reprove, and believe, and rejoice in His love..........

drowning.......

Through the EYES of a Buddhist...

story told by Ron Carlson

Ron asked a converted missionary, "Why did you become a Christian? 

What is the difference between Buddhism and Christianity?"

He replied, "Ron, when I was a Buddhist, it was like I was drowning in a big lake, and I did not know how to swim.

I was going under for the third time,

when Buddha walked up to the edge of the edge of the lake

and began to teach me how to swim.

Buddha said,

"start moving your hands and kicking your legs,

but you have to make it to the shore yourself!"

Then Jesus Christ walked up to the edge of the lake,

but he did not stop there!

He dove into the lake,

swam out,

rescued me,

and brought me to shore.

After he brought me to shore,

then he taught me how to swim,

so I can go back and rescue others!"

My daughter read this quote to me this week. 

It was in a book by Ron Carlson & Ed Decker called Fast Facts on False Teachings,
 a book that I read years ago. 
I gave it to her, because she is reading the book KIM by Rudyard Kipling, and wanted to understand... really UNDERSTAND this people group, this llama, and this boys' culture.. Understand Buddhism..
Not that she might be all rude and sassy, but that she might able to know what they believe..
to be able to better LOVE them.... 
 It is why such books are on my shelf.. So that we might know them a little better, love them a little more, and not be ignorant as we read, and live, and walk about in this world..
That we not fear people, but confidently walk forward in GRACE and TRUTH, and welcome others into our life, freely sharing Jesus with them, as the Spirit leads us to...

I don't need to study Buddhism anymore, or the Koran, or Wicca, the Book of Mormon, or New Age,
 or any of it...

It took years for me to finally just pick up a Bible and read THAT all the way through...

I read so many other so called "holy" books...

I shared this quote with you, because it is so powerful..

so like my own testimony.

till Christ Came

I was drowning,

and now..

though the waters can be rough,

and I weary.

I am a swimmer swimming.

But only because

Jesus saved me

Once upon a time...

"Once upon a time, there was a King who walked astride his world--
here, there, and everywhere.

He became poor in order to be like the people
he loved,
and he lived among the out casts in order to feel their pain."
Tales of the Kingdom...

-d & k mains

moments I don't love my husband anymore

there are these horrible moments.. that I just don't love my husband anymore... I am not as the Word declares... a LOVEing person... I am NOT patient.. and DO not wish to be... I am not KIND, and feel much like Pilot.. ready to wash my hands of THAT concept all together.. Love is never boastful.. but I WANT to boast... I FEEL like boasting, my flesh is burning with desire to boast...
boast of how I'd be FINE with out him... (though in about an hour I will tell you this is utter insanity)
boast of how I'd be perhaps BETTER without him (though he's the best part of this couple...everyone knows that)
boast how every problem in our lives is one that I foresaw, and had we heeded my wisdom COULD have been avoided (though that again in more sober, honest, humble moments would concede, that I have led us down some pretty silly paths...)  Love is also not jealous.. and sometimes I AM jealous.. sometimes.. in wisps of moments that fly by like a dashing storm, I AM jealous.... jealous of a million silly little things, that I have no right to be jealous of.. like car time...  when he could as easily be jealous of the bountiful hours I relish with my blessings... the list is silly... well actually there IS never any list... it's like a burst of wind whipping up the fallen leaves... fallen... like me.. fallen..
Love believes, and I don't want to believe.. sometimes, I just want to wallow.
and ultimately love HOPEs... and when you are grieving... HOPE is hard to come by... HOPE is all there is..

Ultimately... I do not love my husband... It is Christ in me who DOES...  I am a selfish gal.. I can be lovey, and sweet, sexy, and funny, but when push comes to shove.. I have a pretty great guy in mine..(for a fallen man), and he has a pretty ok gal in me (for a sinner)  and yet there it is.. LOVE like the movies will always burst and blow up, and flitter and float away like in those movies... and LOVE like in the Bible is simply impossible.

Unless it is Christ in you doing that loving... Letting you be loved... Jesus loves my husband in a way, that I never can, and yet providentially we are together, my husband and I .  For better (what we all would rather have) or for worse (when we'd like to call a divorce attorney, or grab a lovely glass of vino, and our gal pal), we are a couple... (a couple of misfits, a couple of sinners redeemed, a couple saved by grace, walking, stumbling on this path)  He said we were made one.. I don't understand it all.. but I am glad that even when my SELF does not feel LOVE at or towards my guy, my God in me does.. and I can call upon my Lord, and ask for help...

I can look to the counsel of Galatians when the fruit of the Spirit is spoken of.. and see.. that when this anger, or dislike, or unloving attitude comes up.. it isn't really just that my guy is a butthead (though that may be part of the problem)... The REAL problem is that I, ME, the author of this blog... is not bearing the fruits of the Spirit.. I am not full of the Joy of the Lord..
I am not rejoicing in the day... "this is the day the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it"
I am not seeking first the kingdom of God..
I am not Loving the LORD with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and loving my neighbor...the sin ultimately lies within MY heart...
If God can love me, redeem me, save me, and fill me
than I have everything I need to love my husband...
It is I who needs an attitude adjustment..

Does it get him off the hook for sinning against me... no..
If he is using ugly words and or abusive words is it MY fault... no
if he is sinning........... against this family is it my fault........ no
what if my husband hits (mine does not).. GET help!

Love covers a multitude of sins
does NOT mean
Loving your husband requires that you COVER up his sin, and hide it from the world
no...
that verse refers to letting the little things go.. learning to walk in GRACE..
abuse, or sins that are causing your marriage serious strife
sins like
pornography, gambling, sexual addiction, adultery, incest, drugs, drunkenness, abuse of any kind
(this is a small list)
these all mean that you need help..
you need PRAYER warriors
you do not need to complain or gossip
you need to find people who can pray with you, and HELP you and your husband.
http://www.nanc.org/ or http://www.biblicalcounselingcenter.org/ are two great resources for you to get counseling.. If the abuse is physical, you may need to call 911.  Please do not put yourself in physical danger.. YOU are NOT helping your husband by hiding his sin... It is helping him sin more by hiding it for him... you do not need to be ashamed..

Before the fall of man in the book of Genesis.. God made Eve.. God created Eve to be a suitable helpmate.. Before the fall... it was determined by God.. that man needed help.. that sounds ABOUT right to me...
since the fall.. well all the more..

Grace.. peace... and love.. I get it ALL from Jesus... I have precious little of mine own...He provides in abundance... and offers it freely unto you..

If you have come here wondering in your heart.. "dear Lord... I just don't love my husband any more..."  please know I am praying for you... In the past few weeks many many readers have come to this site based on an old article entitled this, and I have been praying and struggling over this topic.. so it would seem, my Lord and Savior has allowed my husband and I to be stretched yet again in this area... and well this is part II in a series..

If you have questions, comments, thoughts, please share... I will be searching the scriptures on this topic ... Praying for you, and Trusting God as He has us re explore LOVING our spouses... from my vantage point.. loving my husband....