Wednesday, June 27, 2012


I need a little
God reminds me 
of the beauty of His creation
and how it is
a refection of His beautiful nature
I need reminding
God's patience
God's purity
God's holiness...
and then
I need reminding
that He calls me to do
to be 
like Him in these things
as best as I am able
empowered by His Holy Spirit
and I remember
how HE has called me
HIS own
HIS child
There are times
like now
I need reminding
(thank you Lord for reminding me)
that there IS fruit upon my branches
and though it isn't Harvest time
and the vine I am upon isn't heavy laden YET
loaded with deep rich colored fruit
I am holding upon those branches
not fully matured
not plump with aged experience
tender fruit
on tender branches
and I need to be VERY thoughtful
in tending TO those branches
and to the fruit..

that is how I need to LOVE my husband
LOVE my children
LOVE my neighbor
is how I need to LOVE
the Lord my God
with ALL my heart
all my SOUL
all my mind

Intentionality implies grace
and care
and thoughtfulness...

Am I filling up on Grace
filling up on HIS care
am I thinking at all?
or just reacting to things in life...

thinking, filling, caring
asking seeking knocking
praying, waiting, enduring
all imply 
with Jesus

or is He carrying me?
and IF He is carrying me,
am I healed enough yet
to begin to walk?
or even crawl?

ever following after
my Lord..

Friday, August 26, 2011

overload principle....

so imagine with me.. a camel.. they carry LARGE loads of stuff...
they carry these loads over and desperate...deserts...
they carry them, and often don't get anything to drink for long periods of time...
they are.. simply AMAZING creatures...

My doctor once explained something to me.. he called it
"The overload principle"...
it goes something like this...
A human can carry many things..
illnesses, sensitivities, allergies.. stress...
carry and carry and carry, on and on and on...
Till one day, they just have ONE thing too many
(the preverbial straw... that breaks the camels back...)
and they collapse...
sometimes the item seems so ridiculous.. so minor..  but really.. it WAS NOT the item.. the feather, the light blanket.. it WAS the final straw.. that is all..

some carry heavy loads.. of many  many things..
some carry one or two HEAVY things.. not at all numerous..
But the best things WE can do, is let go or get rid of these things..
because you just don't know what that straw is.. and the less you have on you..
the better you'll be able to handle the next thing..

it's the overload principle.. you don't want to become OVER loaded..
you hear people say perhaps .. not to hold ON to anger...
this is why.. it ends up as baggage on you.. for YOU to carry.. not the person you are angry with..
they say not to bring work home...
this is why.. the sooner you can drop the load.. the better you can handle OTHER things.. things perhaps.. that you can NOT avoid..
like.. the flu.. or cancer.. or lyme disease.. or death in your family.. or job loss.. or.. fill IN the blank friends..

This is also the case with our spiritual life..
We can get to the living waters faster if we LAY our burdens down..
if we Carry only what we MUST carry.. and do our best to LEAVE it at the foot of the cross..
Sometimes, life can be overwhelming.. busy, frustrating..
but the Lord gives you some to carry..
and you sometimes pick up MORE than that..
praying for discernment to decipher the difference is KEY
filling UP on the Word of God is important for those times when you are IN a dry and weary land, and no water can be found..
but rest assured.. HE will lead you once again beside the still waters..
HE will restore you..
lift you up on wings of eagles..
times of refreshment are ahead for His children..

Ask, seek, knock..
His sheep HEAR His voice, and they FOLLOW Him..

drop the stuff that isn't HIS stuff..
let it go..
maybe that means the toilet gets clean TOMORROW...
maybe it means you will do MORE today than you ever knew you could do..
MAYBE.. letting HIM lead
seeking HIM
means that others just WILL NOT understand..
don't fret..
You are not following them..
you follow HIM!
and know..
you are NOT alone
Jesus will never leave you...
you are BLESSED because of HIM and HIS love for you

walking, stumbling, and growing in Grace

Thursday, August 18, 2011

can't BREATH

I have asthma... and thanks to Lyme & company, and Hashimoto's I don't have the BEST immune system....
So very often I have trouble doing something we all just DO.. naturally...
I have trouble BREATHING.
from asthma attacks, to sudden allergy asthma attacks, bronchitis, pneumonia, to pleurisy... I have experienced them all.. oxygen masks, neutralizer treatments.. all parts of my life at one point or another...
The THING about not being able to BREATH is..
you learn to take shallow breaths..
to not move suddenly,
to walk slowly, so as to not NEED more oxygen than you can actually obtain..
you learn to talk less... a LOT less..
it's frightening to feel the air in/out HURT, to NOT be able to breath freely
to gasp, and feel dizzy and confused and desperate..
I have done it so often.. I at least KNOW the routine.. it isn't a big SHOCK to me... I KNOW what to expect...
I know that there is a right way to breath, and a wrong way to breath...
I have a device to HELP me work on breathing when I feel icky.. it measures how my breath goes.. I forget what it is called...I get a new one EVERY time I have surgery.. at one point I had 4 in my closet, when i got YET I decided NOT to be a hoarder.. and dumped the old ones...
even if I hate it... I can prepare, even if .. just a little...
What is harder..
real life PHYSICAL breathing problems
or when people don't LET you breath...
have you ever been in a place, where it feels like you breath WRONG around a person or persons.. everything you say, do, the direction you look, the expression on your face, your very presence, or lack there of is somehow in judgement?
you are somehow.. condemned...
it's suffocating, frightening, you start watching HOW you walk,
HOW you talk,
you learn to not make sudden movements...
hmmm sound familiar..

you need it to move about freely...
you need it to flow in your homes, and hearts to clean out the dust, and ick..
let's face it, there is nothing so lovely as opening up the windows and letting FRESH clean air in...
Nothing like hearing the joy and grace of the birds singing their lovely Praise to Jesus JUST outside the window...
nothing like hearing the hustle and bustle of life JUST outside, to remind you that LIFE will go on..
no matter how awful the day to be reminded, "this IS the day the Lord hath made... let us REJOICE and be glad in it" !
when you are not breathing, and you fall to the floor... it's wonderful to see the EMT's come with OXYGEN to help you breath again, to offer it full blast, direct to where it is needed... it is LIFE, without it we would DIE!
I have a rescue inhaler... I think of the scripture verses I have memorized as my spiritual rescue inhaler.. when I can't read because of migraine.. I can dwell upon those lovely words, upon the promises of my Savior...
but sometimes.. it's NOT enough..
sometimes I need a nebulizer treatment, or to be rushed to hospital... and get PURE oxygen...
Spiritually, I see my local Church as part of this... But included in each of our personal "churches" is the fellowship we get from family, friends, neighbors who ALSO know Jesus..
sometimes THEY can be the EMT's rushing to our side to OFFER direct access to the OXYGEN... LOVE

Love lets us breath
living freely in Christ...
for there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus...
Love covers a multitude of sin
God IS Love
and is patient, kind, never jealous boastful or rude....
it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things...
LOVE never fails..
it is a FRUIT of the Spirit...
along with joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control...

Loving is HARD.. when times are tough,
when we are pressed
but it is possible, IN Christ

who should we love first and most?
the Word says that after Christ, we should have LOVE for the Saints...

If you feel like you JUST can NOT breath
if legalism, standard bearing, and/or condemnation
are pressing in on your OXYGEN supply

PRAY  - get in direct chit chat with GOD of the Universe!  He cares and loves you so very much!
Read the Word - if reading isn't an option, try to get the Bible (complete unabridged 66 books) on CD, and listen to it!
Find a fellowship of believers that will deliver OXYGEN on demand, who are hooked up direct to the source line, Christ JESUS!  Giver of LIFE and origin of LOVE
and don't what ever you do...
don't be an oxygen thief..
I have heard it said so beautifully..
you only spill what you are full of..
when you are being bumped and can not breath.. WHAT is coming out?
self control?
we perhaps ALL need to work on this to varying degrees on any given day...
When there are brethren in your life, like this... pray for them, perhaps they are only giving what they have received.. Perhaps.. they are only spilling the ICK on you.. that they are full of...
and extend to them the same grace, same JESUS, same oxygen YOU need...

it's what Jesus said to do
"love one another as I have loved you... and also Love one another"

you ARE loved...
your sister... breathing in Christ

Thursday, March 24, 2011


Living life like it is a grand adventure.. it is how I choose to live.. even IF sometimes.. it isn't really as GRAND or ADVENTUREOUS as I would love for it to be..
sometimes... like Frodo or Bilbo Baggins.. life is simple and times are quiet because you are in the shireland..
othertimes you are climbing mountains, riding down rivers, fighting terrible evil, going through forests so dark, walking down paths so narrow...
and sometimes.. you aren't going AT IT alone.. nope.. sometimes.. your vessel isn't so SLICK as the one above... sometimes.. you're ridin' awkward...
sometimes.. perhaps your ridin' tandom...
now.. ya might be think to your self.. that these here vessels are not so pretty.. that they aren't so fancy, or sporty as the one above..
But the point of the matter really comes in.. which holds more folk?  can you keep dry, anchor them?  Are you able to bail water our if need be?  have you abililty to tandom the vessels and keep together?
Because sometimes... in life.. goin' at it alone is the way we are to be going...
but sometimes.. fellowship is what God's calling us to ..
see.. IN THE BEGINNING.. He did look at Adam and say.. it's not Good for man to be alone..
and in the NEW Testament.. we are commissioned again to NOT forsake the gathering together of the Saints..
are ya feeling the pride swell in yer fancy boat.. feeling the greatness as you glide solo on the waters...
or the joy of the frollic in the silly ugly boat.. laughing, and knowing your brethren, and learning yourself in all new ways? 
knowing your Lord, in the learning and knowing of HIS people....
gather friends.. find time to gather, and rejoice, to laugh, to cry, to teach, to pry, to learn, to pray.. know one another, be family in Christ together.. it is .. GOOD

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

hope... it's a choice

24 hours in a day
we all get the same..
how do you choose to use yours?
How do you choose to fill yours?
There are only 7 of those 24 hours in a week...
only about 4 of those weeks in a month..
only 12 of those months in a year
and years...
not as many of those as we would like to believe...
so HOW do you fill them,
and with what?
did you know you can choose to hope...
choose to laugh
choose to love..
they really aren't just "feelings" but rather actions we can take..
sometimes they come O so naturally
they are like moving a mountain
a feat indiscribable
happyness is an emotion
but JOY is a choice...
choose joy
choose hope
choose to LAUGH
choose to trust
choose faith
and not to fear
it WILL make all the difference
may you fill your days with
kind words
good books
gracious looks,
thoughtful words
wonderful real food
faithful friends
hand holding
puzzle time
chess playing
good movies

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Just not happy .. anywhere

is that me?
have I really become THAT person?
let me first start off by sharing.. that nearly 4 years ago.. the chatter of a dream we'd had to buy land and have some chickens became more serious... Yes... our dream of organic hobby farming seemed remotely .. attainable..
and so.. we began to look online.. and look, and dream.. and talk... and dream.. and I .. began to obsess .. JUST a little..
would we have a wrap around front porch?
would the house be a four square
a farm house
or a colonial?
Would it be new, or really really old?
Would WE be fixing it up, or buying it already finished..
and WHERE would it be?  Dear LORD??
New York?
New Mexico?
Would we be ranchers? or.. have a organic apple orchard?
oh the dreaming we would do.. some day.. it's a dangerous phrase you know..
because it can mean...
We'd been dreaming since we'd been dating, but somehow, it never felt so touchable,
so tangible, so tastable..
then a little over two years ago we started LOOKING at land.. yea. we drove to OTHER states..we hunted.. we had our pile of pennies and we were ready to buy if we found that dream..
we thought LAND..
perhaps we would build..
get really eco conscience... geothermal and all that jazz..
and started packing up our home up.. or rather I DID.. because my man.. thought it wise..
wise because.. we'd be putting OUR home on the market soon you see..
and we are so cluttered..
with our homeschooling..
our books
my painting
so I packed me up.
then we went to france.. oooo la la
then we came home, and the illness overtook
and we packed up some more...
and de cluttered more..
and more of me disappeared..more and more...
more of us..
more of school..
no more art on the walls.. see the house is for sale ..
the realtor does not want it personal..
no more plants
no more clutter
no more projects
no more scrapping
no more painting
no more me
no more them
no place to be ill,
to be self
I feel stressed all the time, at the mess i am in all the time
because it is never clean enough..
and you know what.. it never was.. but I never cared this much
and in the midst the dream has been lost
we aren't moving to our dream..
somehow they have me looking at homes HERE in suburbia..
because now baby has come..
and why it all changed.. i don't know.. worried about bills and illness and how we need to get out of debt before we reach for our dreams..
and it all MAKES a lot of sense...
but what doesn't make sense..
is this feeling
that I don't like ANY of the homes I look at..
any of the listings i see on the net
and I don't care..
and I don't know that I will be happy anywhere..
every house i DO like
is more than I can afford..
and I just WANT to get OUT of debt so I can on with my life..
and this..
is where I leave off saying
I am just not happy...
not anywhere
so I suppose..
I am discontented..
and that is sad..
that is ugly
and I need to pray about that..

Sunday, November 21, 2010

when the light is fading

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. "
Ephesians 5:1-2

When the light is fading...
when the sun is setting fast
and autumn has come
there is a chill in the air that comes over you..
that calls to you
"make haste"
"waste not the moment"
like a whipser from God...
so much is this photo
like moments we have
before a loved one leaves us for eternity
there are often
if we listen
... promptings...
NOT always ...
but sometimes..
the whisper... "hurry" is there
the chill that comes with death, can remind us of an autumn evening..
running down our soul
like the wind might find its way down our back..
the whisper
"the light is fading... quick... capture the moment... say what needs saying"
like Cinderella,
we often feel a certain prompting;
one that says in our heart to us that
perhaps the carriage that holds our dear one's soul is about to turn into
a pumpkin...
and time is very much of the essence..
it comes
sometimes softly
sudden & unexpected
other times
it is after a long and protracted illness...
but always
since sin entered this world...
it comes.
it never fails to come...
it is so faithful in its coming...
SO friends...
When the Spirit prompts you
to go
to be
to love
to share
to tell
to hold
to sit
to listen
to hug
to call
heed the prompting...
Be an "imitator of God"...
like the Word says!
 you will never
regret being HIS instrument