Lyon France

A long long way from home.... we are, that is... a distance that spans more than that of this bridge. The distance seems 1/2 of two continents and an ocean that separates us from our home. The longing at times is so intense, it comes in pangs, so overwhelming, so painful, so desperate... A longing, with a physicality nearly like the beginning of childbirth...

yet at other times, all goes smoothly, and we enjoy our adventure, our sojourn here in this strange land, this strange city, where no one really knows us, few speak our language, eat our foods, understand OUR customs... so we learn to adapt.. we have to... we have to NOT become like them... but we have to because, well, simply because we live with them, love them, we need to be gracious, and perhaps become friends with them.

It occurred to me walking about yesterday, over the Saone River, pictured above... how like the Christian's walk, this experience is in real time....

As Christians we are a long way from home. We are ambassadors in a strange land. Sojourners... This is NOT our world, but the next to come IS, our citizenship, our primary citizenship IS in Heaven. There are times, when we cry out with great passion "COME LORD JESUS, come quickly!" There are times, our souls ache, with such desperation for the coming of our Savior, for the return to our homeland.

There are other times when we just "go with the drift of things and yield with a grace to reason" as Robert Frost said.... we become quite content, and accustomed, and settled here in this place, in this time... We learn to love, and walk with those that belong to this place...

There is nothing wrong with that feeling of comfort, that seance of settling... it is a bit of peace that the good Lord gives to us here and now, but we must ever keep our eyes fixed upon HIM.... upon the prize at the end, if we lost our focus and just focused on HERE, we might miss the prize at the end and become lost here.....

What would happen to me, if I lost my focus on family and friends back home... stopped blogging, stopped skyping, writing, calling, and completely became absorbed in this experience.... ? What would happen when my beloved said to me, that certain day,

why are you not ready?

are your bags not packed?

do you not realize the plane leaves today?

it would be crazy, it would be so rushed, so insane... yet God is a God of order... with Him their is Peace....

What would happen when I arrived....

would I be eagerly greeted, or would my loved ones feel snubbed?

Would I have proved myself a fool, or have shown myself to be loving, wise, and mature in the Lord... tending to all He has given to me to steward....

there would in fact need to be much repentance on my part, much restoration....

So it is with the Christian body..... We must not forsake the gathering of the Saints, the fellowship, the unity of the bride, we must put forth a bit of effort, thought and consideration into our relationships, because in the end, the only bit of anything you might get to bring with you to the Kingdom is that person........ a person, another human, an actual living breathing, SOUL.... We must love one another, as HE has loved us...

let us remember one another, writing often, even quick notes in this day of Internet can bring ones heart in time to beat with another....

It also causes me to consider what would happen on that fate filled day and my BELOVED said to me

do you not have oil for you lamp?

Are you not ready?

get away from me, I knew you not......................

O Lord, help me fill my Oil up! Help for me to be ready! I want to know you better today than yesterday! Here I am Lord.... in a strange Land far from both my homes... overlooking a land that was once a Bastian for your people.... why you have me here, I do not know, but I thank you for each lesson you are teaching me... I pray that you might use me, .... here I am Lord... yours ... a citizen of YOUR Kingdom....

passport stamped by the Holy Spirit Himself!

Sealed by the blood of the Lamb...

Grace....

Grace
beautiful
amazing
lovely
frankly I find His grace irrisistable... I can't deny it... I am so thankful FOR it... I am so needy of it, and am so drawn to it.
I could slosh about like a pig in a puddle of mud; discussing with you my wretchedness; my sinful state; my total depravity....
but would you get what I am talkin about?
would you believe me?
would I just sound fake?
would I sound like a Luther pre salvation, whipping SELF to be redeemed?
or if you aren't what the "churched" call "churched" would I just sound like a crazy guilt ridden loozer with low self esteem?
or would it just seem like I was trying tooo hard....

There is something sort of personal about my depravity, something sort of intimate about my sin. Something that is really, ultimately between myself and my Savior...

So for now, I'd rather talk to you about the GRACE.... about how I do have guilt... How I don't live up the the standards God has set before me, how He takes me back, again and again... and THAT is amazing....

How when I know I have totally sucked, and been stinky, crabby or whatever, I have found in Him a Friend to run to, a King to protect me, even if it is from mine own self... how HIS promise to me says there is NO condemnation in Christ Jesus.... wow.... yet I find myself condeming myself again and again.... all the more reason to run to Him, to His word; that He might remind me, no condemnation....
no condemnation...
nope
none
nada...
just more grace
with confession...
there is forgiveness

This week at my church's Sunday school... there was a sort of lecture on the sinfulness of King Saul vs King David... it was pretty thoughtful....
Saul disobeyed by not following some rules (yes, this is oversimplification of the matter)
but David committed adultery and killed the gals husband so he could marry her...

yet David is a man after Gods own heart....

Why?

Whenever SIN, was brought to Sauls attention, what did Saul do...
usually he denys it, "nah, not me man..." like a cocky kid... If it is undeniable, and he pulls a fast one, sort of admitting but saying "lets carry on as if nothing happened...for appearance sake... it would look bad... it could upset things....."
He is OK with sinning, getting busted, and keeping the status quo...

what does David do?

generally falls down before God, confessing his sin, and asking for forgiveness... He does NOT deny, doesn't cover up, doesn't pretend, doesn't carry on status quo... he is changed by God... not perfect, still sinful, but he KNOWs Gods grace...

he knows it is beautiful,
lovely
wonderful
amazing
and he knows the only place to get it...
in confession
on his knees before the KING of all Kings

I like that...
I like KNOWING where to go
knowing WHOSE standards matter
and that HE will forgive me, restore me, renew me, and complete me... Lifting me up on eagles wings... I like that... more than I can explain

Because in GRACE... I DON"T have to try so hard to show ANYONE that I know I am a sinner...
because I KNOW
that the ONE that NEEDS TO KNOW
does...
I don't have to try so hard to show or tell anyone how to be a good Christian...
because I don't even know what that means...
I am
only
a follower
of Christ Jesus
There are tenants I believe, prayers that I say, confessions I hold to, that other Christians do not... there are
I am learning
many tribes and tongues of Christians...
we come in many flavors...
this is who I am...
I don't say they are all "correct"
just that I can be FREE to acknowledge the differences...
That I am fairly certain
that I am not correct on every single point, and ....
that I am ok with that...
because I live in GRACE...
and it is a beautiful...
really
beautiful
place...

Signs Signs Everywhere The Signs

Blocking up the scenery .... do you know the tune... it's not the best of tunes, it is fairly rebellious.. but it really fits this season. Just drive around, Everywhere ya look there are signs. I don't just mean the wonderful signs advertising the inflated gasoline prices, robbing your hard earned dollar, no, nor am I referring to the plethora of obnoxious bad fast food joints trying to poison you with their toxic genetically altered food deep fried, and served with bad manners and the wrong change.
No i mean the common garden variety signs, literally... Drive by the neighborhoods, and look at all the gardens, and lawns and you will truly be accosted! Signs for security systems JUST in case some thief has any BRIGHT ideas and can read. Or Signs advertising Roofers, or Siders, or Painters, or Asphalt layers. Then there are the Politicians. O Yes, the many fun and enthusiastic supporters various Political Leaders, has signs all over their lawn. Some are very mild, having only one demur sign on their lawn, and others, perhaps unable to pawn more signs off on unsuspecting neighbors or friends, put an enormous amount on their front lawn to really catch your fancy as you drive by.
But these are all the signs we ignore, for they are so plentiful, too frequent to obvious. Yes you have the occasional Someone turned 40, or 50, or maybe there is a gigantic hysterical stork on Mr & Mrs front lawn.... but then...
Then their are the signs that REALLY get the neighborhood chatting. These are the actually insulting signs. They are far and few between, actually, this, I confess as a mid thirty something, this is something entirely NEW to me. I am certain that is NOT new at all. For there is NOTHING new under the Sun. But such a foolish mistake by Brothers in Christ is just so grievous to me

Here it goes..... the "Authentic Jesus" signs.. They are very popular. One particular church is passing them around. People from this church put them all on their front gardens (lawns) and display this sign as a symbol of what would appear to be ... perhaps.... pride....

I don't know WHY, but perhaps because I am a bold Christian, perhaps because of certain past experiences with this church, people in my community, feel VERY comfortable coming up to me, and discussing with me how they are personally very INSULTED by this sign.

Do the people with the sign think they have the "only authentic Jesus"?
Are they saying my Jesus "is a false" Jesus?
Is there Jesus the ONLY Jesus In Town....?
Is that Church saying that Jesus only LOVES their members?
Is the only way to have an "authentic relationship" with the "authentic JESUS" to go to their church?
Why do they always insult everyone else when they talk about Jesus?
How is this sign drawing me into wanting to know about Jesus?
Are they a Cult?
Are they a false Church?
are they teaching a "different gospel" like the scriptures warn us to be wary of?
Should we be praying for these neighbors, they seem to be totally unaware at how offensive they are being to the rest of us, in thinking that their Jesus is the only "authentic Jesus"

and the questions continue, and they are legitimate.... and all I can say, is perhaps the sign has something to do with some "sermon series", to motivate the congregation. But I confess, the leadership of this church, does NOT seem to realize how VAST the congregation is, that everywhere you go, you can see these signs, and they stand as a little symbol to all who do not go to that church, and what we see, is this....

you don't think we can have a real authentic relationship with Jesus with out YOU
you think you have the corner on the "authentic Jesus"
and if we want to have the "authentic Jesus" we should call YOU, or come to Your church...
somehow,
that makes it all about you, and your church,
and not about Jesus....
a little egotistical in my book.
I know sinners and saints who can call you on that one....
take the signs down, get OUT of your houses, and start loving your neighbors as yourselves, :) I know the more people have come to me on this issue, the more I have been convicted to come out and love them myself. It is through our obedience to the gospel, our active seeking to be transformed by the renewing of our minds and be changed, that they see Him in us. No sign in the yard will do as much as a cold glass of water on a hot day, or a cup of tea to visit over.
Love the LORD your God with all your heart with all your soul with all your mind
this is the first and great commandment
the second is like unto it
thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself
ON these two commandments hang ALL the law and the prophets

you are loved

Graceful Bow.......& me not so graceful

Graceful Bow
Originally uploaded by kafka doodle

I confess I am not so graceful lately.
I fumble and fall, and frankly am quite the klutz. I am simply NOT very graceful. Perhaps I need a class on ballet, or ice skating or some other wonderful class to help teach me the fine art of grace. But really the areas that I need more grace are not the physical graces....
I am sad to say, lacking in the spiritual graces.
I am irritated, and short fused. I am hurried, and overwhelmed. There is a whole LOT on my plate, and I DID NOT put any of it there, don't want it there, but THERE it is, and IT must be dealt with none the less. Sometimes I don't deal lovingly, or as "meekly" as I imagine I ought. Are my standards even biblical? Are they simply ridiculous, or am I just falling way short and trying to find a way out of this mess?
Growing in grace? I feel like a kid in the fourth grace, looking around class mid December.... When did Johnny get SO tall, and did Susie grow like a foot?! By January I am clearly the shortest kid in town, and by mid March the situation is down right embarrassing. Spiritually, I am feeling like that kid. Am I growing dear Father????? REallY, can YOU measure me against the WALL???? Is there ANY change at all??? Perhaps I have shrunk?

Have you ever felt that way? Sure you have NOT shrunk any more than I have. And don't fall for the many modern preachers that tell you if you aren't doing A. B. C. D E. F & G H I & J & for sure K you are just NOT growing spiritually and perhaps are a bad christian (they will NEVER use those words but will leave you with that UNmistakable understanding), and will also let you know if "you are not growing you are backsliding." As if Jesus was a rollercoaster ride. A freakshow, carni ride. NO!
Lets THINK. yes, let us REASON together. Let us think about the hundreds of years the church had no bibles ( I mean the believers not just the leaders).... What about the many Christians being persecuted all around the world. Many have never even read the Bible in its entirety .... have you? There is something wonderful about slowing down, thinking through, pacing oneself, breathing, walking, rather than running.
Jesus has not laid out a reading plan for us in His word. Some how somewhere the guilt has been added to the grace, and it is a shackle that must be thrown off.

Life is too overwhelming as it is, I don't have room for all that too. I am so full of the things He gives me, the things that family has for me, so full of being sinful in trying to grow in grace in needing more grace in trying to sprinkle grace (grace is a bag of goodness) I simply can NOT heap guilt on top, we aren't talking a banana split here!
Everywhere I go, people have standards, Ideals, how I should live, what I should do, what comes next, what they expect of me, or of my family, it is overwhelming. Just turn on the radio, and listen to a preacher tell you some more; you gotta read this much, gotta have this long a "quiet time" gotta have "this long a devotional"; "this long a family worship" this and that, and this and that, and good thing they are preachers and get paid to do that, because I don't know when they would have time to leave their house to get a job to pay the bills. ( no disrespect meant - my pastor does NOT do this)
So here we are in a season, a hard very hard season, one could say that the boat has sunk and we are treading water and have been for some months..... we have a raft now, and we are not drowning .... per say..... not yet.... PRAISE GOD.... and frankly the way many of my brethren are today (all gussied up with "church speak" and little bible knowledge and little grace and love of Christ Jesus), I am more and more fearful to ask for prayer. Many times when I do, instead of a life preserver or help, we get stones thrown our way. More YOU should, or "if only", and all it is is more standards... and this persons is different than that persons, and you can get dizzy trying them all out, or you can just STOP
and go to GOD
and pray
and WAIT
and PRAY
and wait
and the Bible talks a whole lot about that.... so that is what we are doing...
so it looks weird, and awkward, and very uncool. and frankly, I am ungraceful at it. I am sinning in it, it is awkward for me, and I don't like it, I want a person to come and help, but God is making it very clear, it is HE who is our Rescue, our Redemption, our Saviour.... there is NO other.

"Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard on another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, and those who are in heaven and on earth, and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now, much more in my absence,
work out your salvation
with fear
and trembling;
for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.
Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent,
children of God
above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear
as lights
in the world,
holding fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain nor toil in vain.... " 2 Phillipians 2:1-16

I prefer to not take things out of context, so here is some context.
work out your salvation
with
fear
and trembling...

I am afraid.... this would seem to be the beginning of wisdom... praise the Lord... because I am afraid...
I hear a lot lately, how God is sovereign. It is good to encourage one another with the truths of Gods attributes. It is important to be reminded, lest we forget and stumble in our sins. God is indeed sovereign. Frankly, it is also very scary. For He is HOLY, I am not. I am unworthy of the great grace He so freely bestows upon me day after day after day. I am unworthy, and often, I am shamed to admit, not barely grateful, for the abundant mercies that He showers upon me. I fear this mightily Lord, I do.. And working on my salvation, it is a full time job.
It isn't some get out of Hell free prayer.. It is work.
Humility,
Grace,
Love,
Mercy,
Patience,
Trust,
but also work.
It isn't easy to Love when you are exhausted, nor is it easy to have patience. It isn't easy to be humbled by the great Creator of the Universe. It isn't easy to show mercy, nor is it easy to receive it. It isn't easy to trust... No, to trust, that is so difficult.
working out your salvation
with fear,
and trembling.
I tremble.
I tremble and I fear I am trembling at the awesomeness of God. At His master plan, at His placement of me here, right now. I shudder, and I tremble, and I don't know what else to say.
I am too busy working it all out.
I would like more of that encouragement that Paul talks about, the encouragement in Christ, the fellowship of the Spirit would be nice too, for there is affliction, we could use more compassion. From others? Perhaps,
with each other, definitely.
Joy, it can be fleeting. But it would seem it ought not to be.
Like a vase emptied of any weight, or self,
think like hand blown glass, cracked into thousands of pieces, held together by the hand of God, alone, by Him.
If you were that vase, would you not fear Him? Shouldn't you? For that is how fragile we all are. How fragile I am.
There is no weight to me to hold me together.
I am broken by my sin,
beautiful only by His renewing of my spirit, hand crafted and God breathed.....
I am that vase....
With all the chaos of my life, all the doctors, hospitals, miles to drive, all that is.. I am very afraid of storm, because all that holds me together is the hand of God... and goodness knows, if He lets go, I will be just a million pieces fluttering in the wake of it all.
What is it that should weigh me down...
The weight of Glory...
the Glory of the Lord,
the Lord Christ Jesus....
This is who is filling me, weighing me, anchoring me, it is also His hands that sustain me, holding me together, and His light that pours forth from me..... for I am but a shell.

.....work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.........


Praise the Lord

A thought on a question that was asked of me....

Do I think it is sinful to wear makeup, or pants .....

My answer was that I believe the answer lies in the motive... the why do I or don't I..... Maybe this little story will help.

I was once at a christian homeschooling event. so here goes my story....

Two girls, both haughty, and two girls both humble.

Two girls walked in to this Christian event with their parents, both looked like Brittney Spears (pre head shaving).... Mid drifts showing, pants painted on, hair done up and makeup done to make them look, old, used and well sexy. Parents looked awkward and uncomfortable... Frankly desperate for help....One girl while dressed this way walked in humbly, full of a JOY.... she was even humbled by the event, taken aback at how many girls her age were dressed so elegantly, so prettily, so modestly and feminine ( I people watch ;) As time went on this daughter of the KING became visibly uncomfortable with her choice in clothing. She seemed ashamed and even put her coat back on even though it was VERY hot in the gymnasium/auditiorium.
The other, her friend, walked around like she owned the joint. She seemed to try VERY hard to cause the males in the room to stumble into the sin of lust. With every stride she made great pains to swing her hips and flip her hair and be VERY loud... As loud as she got, her friend got quieter, there was a humility there, not humiliation. The Lord humbled her, He was showing her, that she was BOUGHT with a price, was not her own, and was still dressing the part of a slave to her culture.... She sat in the back and listened intently......

Enter in two giggly modestly dressed maidens of virtue... Dressed like most every Christian mother would hope her darling to dress. They were the picture of beauty and poise, clear faced, hair neetly done, skirts of sheer elegance and beauty, yes even fashionable, but very modest. One had the face of pure sweetness, a smile broad and welcoming, lips that praised the Lord and a manner so gracious you wanted to just hug her. Her friend while having similar mannerisms, and dress, seemed to me haughty, she looked down on others. She seemed to think she was holy because she had a great waredrobe, dressed modestly and "played the part". She was not welcoming. When the sweet faced maiden smiled and spoke kindly and welcoming something or other to the gal in the back, there was genuine kindness, and our gal (that would have been me back in the day), our gal's face lit up. she was encouraged in the Lord, but one look from our little miss LA TEE DA, stole that smile in a flash..... I was so grieved to see her sink into her spot, while little miss, flipped her hair and had that same hungry eyed smile as a young man passed her by.

One girl was cleaned on the inside and out....
One girl was cleaned on the outside, but icky inside....
One girl was filthy on the outside but shiny on the inside...
and one, really needed a dishwasher.....

WE all sin, all fall in sin,
but some are trying to scrub up,
some trying to show off,
some don't know better,
and some don't care.....

When we drove homeI saw I had been each of these girls at some point in my life, which one am I today.

Blogging poorly...

So I just realized, I have been spending more time on my other blog. Do forgive me friends. Life has been very temporal, very busy, and my thoughts it would seem, have not been running very deep.

Love your neighbors as yourselves.

Tough stuff. To love a family member, to love a child, a husband, a friend, even this can be challenging some days...

When we recall that Love is patient, Love is Kind, never jealous never boastful never rude, that Love believes all things Hopes all things, endures all things, and that Love never fails... we do, love doesn't... we can fail to love... but the love...
it never fails us...

But beyond the very love able loves of my life, loving neighbors is tricky. Now I have some pretty great neighbors, Tracy and Tim and their son Ryan are pretty easy to love, Tracy and James and their lovely girls are easy to love, Lauren and John are super neighbors, again easy to love. But everyone else is my neighbor too.
The hockey hooligans, the loud teenagers, the grumpy man in the suite next door, (not that he is grumpy, or anything, just if he was...) the guy with the scary t-shirt and the piercings, and the tattoos, the "lady" soldier, they are all my neighbors. They all are to get my love, my patience, even when they are rude, my kindness, even if they are mean, my humility, even to their pridefulness, my constance to their inconsistencies, and this love it is to endure. It is a love of Christ, not a love of my own making...
I can't love like this.
But the question is,
will I let Christ Love them, through me. Can I die to myself, my prejudices, my pre conceived notions, my opinions, and let Jesus Love them through me...

When I think that the lady across from me needs to discipline her child, can I just smile lovingly if her child whips a grape my way.... or a spit wad or what ever....

How do we measure up at Love your neighbor.... How do I measure up... not well.... I am convicted by the Lord to really start praying about this, really start letting Him take over, really start spreading more grace, at least as much as I have received, which is A WHOLE LOT...

It was by grace I was saved, a gift of God, not of works, I don't get to boast,
but I ought not hoard it either,
I have the grace, I need to share it....


We love Him, because He first loved us...

So I love because He loves me, so If I have this love
I need to love others....
It isn't as hard as it seems,
I just naturally like to hoard things... I like a full fridge, a full pantry, clothes in my closet, I like holding on. I think I must have a drawer full of love, I need to start spreading it around, and like the loaves and fish, like the oil, it will be replenished....
Will I ?
Will you?