This article was passed on to me by Sarah, a sister in Christ. It moved me, struck a cord deep with in me, for I too have had conversations, have known ladies who mirror the one in this article. As always Please feel free to respond. This article contains exercises... I pray you consider doing them. It is an issue of our culture, we often turn aside from, because it is SO uncomfortable...
I Don’t Love My Husband Anymore
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…” Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)
I was saddened by what my friend was sharing. She was tired of her husband so she was leaving him because she found the man she dreamed of being with.
I was shocked by my friend’s decision. I had been in their wedding and heard the lifetime promises made from their hearts. I had been with them to celebrate their first anniversary. I had been with them just after the births of their first and second child. I had shared their laughter, encouraged them through their tears, and enjoyed doing life with them.
While their relationship had not been perfect, they did love one another. But something had gotten broken in their relationship and neither of them knew how to fix it. It led to a stale quietness that seeped into their home and made each feel lonelier and isolated than they ever knew was possible for a “couple.” He had grown distant. She had grown frustrated. Life was busy, finances were stressful, and they stopped making time for romantic conversations they used to enjoy. They used to be a team and felt they could beat anything life sent their way. Now they just fought against each other.
Then she met an attentive, financially secure man who seemed to be the answer to all of her unmet longings. She traded her life for the thrill of something new, the lure of something she perceived would be so much better.
But just two years later I ran into this friend and was stunned by her confession. With tears in her eyes she admitted that she’d discovered fairy tales don’t exist. Every relationship feels exhilarating at the beginning but then real life happens and marriage is hard work no matter who you are married to. When I asked her to tell me about her new husband she smiled shyly and said, “Well, he’s hairy.”
What did she just say? My mind was spinning. Of all the words, all the descriptions, all the romantic terms I expected her to use, “hairy” was no where on the list. How telling that the man that was once so irresistible that she traded everything for him, had now been reduced to one word…hairy!
I’m convinced that in marriage the grass isn’t greener on the other side. The grass
is greener where you water and fertilize it.
Dear Lord, please help me see my marriage as a sacred thing. May I always understand that being married was not meant to just make me happy but make my character more holy. Help me remember being married is less about having the right partner and more about being the right partner. Shape me into the wife my husband needs and deserves. Help me to pause before I speak so I don’t react out of anger, frustration, or selfishness. Show me how to respect, love and give to this man in a way that honors You and brings joy to our home. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Write a list of all the things you love and admire about your husband. If
you can’t think of any now, list what you liked about him when you married
him. Find some time today to share the list with your husband. Spend some time in
prayer for your marriage and for your husband. Consider signing up for a
marriage coaching conference call for women with Lysa TerKeurst.
Follow the link
in the resources section above to learn more.
As a wife, is your goal to help your husband become all that God intends him to be, or all that you intend him to be?. Have you bought into the cultural idea of marriage
being some sort of fairy tale Sometimes, being a helper is actually a lot of work. How can you better fulfill your God-given role as a helper to your husband?
Genesis 2:18, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’”
19:5-6, “’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united
to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but
one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
1 Corinthians 7:13, “If a woman had a husband who is not a believer and he is
willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.”By Lysa TerKeurst
Just think friends, usually by the time she shares, it is too late. By this what I mean is, that by the time this sister, friend, lady, has shared her heart with you, it is most often too late to win her back. We are deceptive creatures by nature, she may have been deceiving not only you, her spouse, but herself. I have heard of sisters in Christ even say that Jesus would want this for them, because they are so unhappy in their marriage. That Jesus wants them to be happy... Sisters, I implore you, by this time, it is nearly too late. At this stage, our lady has already made a graven image of a Jesus that does NOT exist. An idol in her heart to suit her own desires. Her new Jesus, isn't the Jesus of the scriptures. He is a creation of her imagination, that isn't seeking to sanctify her, make her holy, redeem her, but a Jesus who is more like a genie in a bottle, giving to her the desire she is craving. You see, she has redefined the "Christian language", so at this stage, speak, implore, reproof, rebuke as you might, be not surprised if she simply does not hear you, is offended by you, distances herself from you. Do these things, yes, but for the glory of God, to be obedient to Christ, not for the response. Who knows you may win back your sister....
My point is this, as sisters in Christ we must be ever watchful of the flock of sisters the Lord has placed in our lives. After she has abandoned her husband, we will find ourselves recalling a little word here, a slight there, things that cause us to say, "gee, I should have known then."
Let us hold fast to the TRUTH of the scriptures, encouraging one another on to love and good works...
Let there be true accountability... no husband bashing, but rather, honest talk, for the purpose of helping reconcile a marriage in trouble. This is different than gossip, or husband bashing...
Remember if your not part of the solution.... YOU MAY WELL BE PART OF THE PROBLEM... don't let your sisters in Christ slip into this sin with YOU.
If you see her eye wander, tell her that you have seen, and don't let her joke her way out of it. Let her know you care about her walk with God, and about her marriage!
If she's suddenly overly interested in how she looks, find out why, ask the tough questions friend... Who's she getting "dolled up" for???
There are countless signs, we've all known ladies who have been lured away by the temptations of the world, the flesh, and the devil... Talk about the signs with one another, write them down so you remember, and get with your gals and hold one another accountable....
WATCH, and PRAY the devil is prowling about waiting to devour, and in our sin, even we, can just walk right in to his path, into his trap... or your daughter can...or your sister can...your neighbor can...or the maid of honor at your wedding...
Lets be real, we are all sinners, and we all need the support of REAL fellowship.
I hope you do the assignments laid out in this article. I hope you send friends here to read it. I pray it has been a blessing to you. If so, please feel free to comment! you are loved
Oh, you can check out Sarah's site here http://proverbswomen-ivil.tripod.com/ be blessed