To submit, or not to submit....

Recently I was asked about Submission

"Submission isn't completely submission, till you disagree..." I once heard it said that to me early in my walk with Christ.... it has an annoyingly strong ring of truth to it. Don't you think? It is important as a woman to walk balanced with the Lord, in His strength, His might, anchored utterly in Christ. Important to not be tossed about by the waves of life, or rather, often as times would have it, emotion. It is important to stand firm, prepared to submit to Christ unto death if need be! Well, or even a silly boy, that you married, that's a man now, with grey strands in his hair, that you don't happen to agree with. :)
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I say this with a smile on my face, because when I don't agree with my husband, he's suddenly in my eyes, so young again, all of a sudden, he's the boy I married. I must admit, I have moments of standing in silence before my husband (utterly exacerbating him) just standing and reminding myself, that God has sovereignty placed this man as my head, that God has called him out of boyhood, into noble manhood, and that this man, I willingly married, is a man who loves the Lord, but even if he didn't, even if, I would still need to submit to him, as unto the Lord. I obey, to obey, not for a result. I am not an animal that needs to work for a treat, no I am not Pavlov's dogs....
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Most of the time, this "submission" thing is not an issue for us, because most of the time, I don't make an issue of it, or it isn't an "issue" for me to submit, perhaps I agree, or don't even really care, or gosh, it could be that it's not that big of a deal to me. But,( yes there is a but there) there are moments, "issues" we might not be in agreement over, that I have to stop and pray for strength in. For example, When Rob & I were in disagreement over whether or not to have more children. I prayed, I beseech-ed the Lord, to change our hearts, that we would be of one mind, one heart, knowing that He wills me to be a helpmate suitable, that God wills for me to be loving my husband, that God himself would need to take my desire for more away, or change my husbands heart. But that the Lord would make us united in it, I wept bitterly through this, but knew this prayer was a right prayer...a couple months went by, and my heart, was changed. I was suddenly very content, and I could look into the future and not see more than the two blessings we had. Another month went by and Rob came to me and said, he desperately wanted another child. ??? Woo hoo ! right? But my heart was not triumphant, I did not breath a sigh of relief, I was still content. And even though we struggled to conceive for nearly 5 years prior, I was pregnant with in the next cycle. SERIOUSLY ! And what a joy Ben is now at the age of two.
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Another example, though, I do struggle to share this one, lest you think ill of my most wonderful husband, occurred a little over a year ago when I was so sick, I was SO very sick, I knew that I simply must have had a kidney infection, my back ached so bad. I was sure I might DIE! In fact the pain woke me up in tears that night, and I cried and cried, I even struggled to breath. When my wonderful (no sarcasm, for he is indeed wonderful) husband sat up in bed, sleepy, beyond words, and told me it could wait until morning. And he promptly fell back asleep, as if it never happened. WHAT??? I wanted to freak out.
I cried out to the Lord and His Spirit, the Spirit of the Lord, told me, that I was in the hands of the Almighty Infinite Creator God, and no matter what, God works all things for good, for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
"but God, what if I die?" I asked Him...you know what came to me, that I would get to be in paradise with Him forever... "But my children...." works ALL for good for those who love... according... On and on went this dialog with the Lord... In the morning, bright and early Rob got me help, I didn't die...I did however had a kidney infection and pneumonia... but I learned something in the darkness of my room that night, feeling abandoned and alone... I met with God in a desperate way....I learned something that I will carry all my days...
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When I don't want to submit, when I think I know better (regardless if I do or not) my issue is not my husband at all. My issue is that I am not trusting my Savior. I am not laying down MY life for Him as He has asked. I still want it (my life) for ME (it is no longer mine, for I have been bought with a price) In my distrust, in my desire to NOT submit, what's really happening, is this, I think I know better than GOD In those moments, I make an idol in my heart, the idol is me, and I want to serve it, and want my husband to serve me as well... I take God off His rightful place on the throne of my heart, and I replace what Deity with me. O what a wretched sinner I am...(thank you for the Cross Jesus!) It is so very subtle, my sin, it happens in a blink, before I even know I am sinning, I sin my face off !
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Ultimately any issues I might have, that might come up, always end up being a whole lot more about me, than they are about my husband. I need to love this man, even if he is not walking with the Lord, but because Jesus asked me to.I need to love this man, if he is walking with the Lord, because Jesus asked me to. Jesus is my KING, my LORD< my Savior, Redeemer, He is my God, my all in all,what ever my God asks of me, I wish to serve Him, for I am a servant of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, I love Him, obey Him, adore Him....and frankly that is a lot easier said than done.
We should follow for it is right, for we store up treasures in heaven, because it brings glory to our King. We should not do things, to manipulate, to get our way, or because WE are right...
Think of Abraham having to lay down Issac, lifting the knife...We have been bought with a price. It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me. Thank goodness for grace, His grace is sufficient, thank goodness for the strength He gives us in His Holy Spirit to do His good will, I never could with out . you are loved!